Ikea sofa giblets

With every new Ikea sofa: sofa giblets! Sofa giblets contain wheels but no liver, heart or gizzard. So they are only metaphorically giblets. And the metaphor is weak.

Nevertheless.

Sofa giblets!

Analogue Cheese Flavour

The San Marco brand bills its margherita pizza as a “deep pan pizza base topped with tomato sauce, analogue cheese flavour and mozzarella cheese”. So, does “analogue cheese” contain highly resonant filters that might make pizza-loving synthesiser owners “phat”?

“Analogue cheese” is in fact listed as being “water, vegetable oil, milk proteins, starch, salt, emulsifying salts (sodium citrates and sodium phosphates), colour (beta carotene)”.

Oh.

Bloggers in Biofeedback Baloney Backlash

The synthesiser world was sent reeling yesterday (and the day before that, and the day before, and indeed last week) when dozens of music blogs published a photograph of a man wearing a hat.

But this was no ordinary hat: it had electrodes, and its wearer claimed that he would use it to control his synthesiser.

But this was no ordinary synthesiser: it was an old synthesiser, with patch cables.

“Look,” explained the Artist, “at me”.

But last night the synth community reeled in shock from suggestions that they had been the victims of an elaborate hoax.

One heartbroken blogger, who wished not to remain anonymous, was driven to tears.

“The intensely self-satisfied yet faintly ironic look on his face convinced me that this was a serious sound artist who had taken to wearing electrode hats. If this photo is part of a hoax, it is a very cruel and irresponsible one”.

Twitter Tragedy – Who is to Blame?

Hope is fading for the Twitter users who disappeared recently in perilous circumstances.

The twittering pot-holers – or “twotholers”, as they are known – were believed to be trying to find the fabled north-west approach to Stephen Fry’s Passage when conditions took a turn for the worst.

A spokesman for the rescue patrol said that there was still a slight crack of hope, and that there could yet be light at the end of the tunnel.

“Millions of twitterers a year try this difficult sport without incident”, he explained. “Usually the attempts are unsuccessful but safe, but in this case it is unfortunate that a particularly tight crawl was attempted”.

Cutbacks

Photograph taken in Bourton-on-the-Water, the Cotswolds.

Mac OS X 10.5 shortcuts

Command-O	Display a spinning beachball
Command-Tab	Display a spinning beachball
Command-Q	Display a spinning beachball
Look at the screen	Display a spinning beachball

No, I don’t have a light

No, sorry, I don’t have a light. I don’t smoke. You scowl and turn away, outraged. But have you considered buying your own “lights”, rather than scowling at those inconsiderate non-smokers who do not carry around such paraphernalia for you?

Nor do I carry clean needles, rolled up banknotes, hookahs or portable chemistry sets from Switzerland. That’s very remiss of me, and I should be here to satisfy the cravings and addictions of anyone who accosts me in the street needing a fix.

Speaking of which, do you have a spoon for my coffee? Stir it for me, would you?

No sugar, thanks.

What can they be suggesting?

Left: Oh Gizmo reports today on a “gamer hand exerciser”.

Below: the advertisement appearing beneath the article.

To be fair, the advertisement appears on other pages too, so it’s surely not meant to imply anything… really…

Are you sure?

OmniWeb just threw up an alert. The problem wasn’t OmniWeb’s fault (the ethernet plug had fallen out of its socket). But I wonder if anyone facing this challenge has ever tried this suggested course of action…

Music technology preview – a barber writes

Keen users of Apple Logic’s EXS24 sampler have many reasons to love Redmatica for their suite of assistive sampling applications and hopefully the long heralded upgrades to the line will appear soon. However, it’s quite a tease to depict the upgraded software ahead of time, and now, to add to our distress, they have put pictures and videos of Jordan Rudess’s beard on their site. Now the man behind the beard is probably a Very Nice Man and is undoubtedly a talented keyboardist and demonstrator of all kinds of music technology. But that face fuzz… it reminds one of… it looks like… No, well, look, let’s be as kind as possible and say that Andreas Dorau and his friends somehow did that sort of thing rather more stylishly, and not just once.

Baldness is no crime either, but contrasting use of bouffant wigs can imbue pointy beards with a whole new mysterious dimension.